On Getting Older

The older I get, the more I realize I’m…getting older.  It isn’t easy to get old.  As we get older, we have to let go of things, including the idea that we’re independent.  Or should I say give up the illusion of independence?  It doesn’t matter how old we are, we always depend on others and I’m not just talking about our loved ones.  I’m talking about a whole lot of people we’ll never meet:  the ones who keep the lights on in our homes, bring the groceries to the store, fill the tanks beneath the gas station, take away our garbage and patrol the streets at night.  We say we don’t want to be a burden to people.  How many do we already burden? 

No, it’s not independence we give up.  Independence is an illusion.  What we actually give up is the freedom to pick and choose what we’ll depend on.  If we live long enough, we all have to submit to the demands of aging.  We’re stuck with it. 

Some people fight going into a nursing home.  I sympathize.  I’ve visited a lot of nursing homes over the years.  Some aren’t bad.  Some leave a lot to be desired.  None of them are home.  When you roll in a chair through those doors, you don’t go back to the way things used to be.  You go through a door into an uncertain future.   Most of us don’t like to live with uncertainty.  Uncertainty is weakness. 

But Paul says, “When I am weak, I am strong” (2 Corinthians 12:10).  What does that mean?  It means we can’t know how strong God is until we know how weak we are.  There is no Easter joy without Good Friday suffering.  If I’m young enough, smart enough, strong enough, what need have I for God?  

Aging is about letting go of one thing to take hold of another.  Once or twice in the last couple years, as I’ve seen my immortality symbols (house, church, strength) shrinking, as I’ve looked in the mirror and found not youth but crowsfeet, as I’ve turned away in annoyance, not to say disgust, I’ve had to ask myself, “What’s it gonna be, friend?  Bitter old man or sweet old grandpa?” 

The answer will determine whether the remainder of my earthly sojourn is happy for me and helpful to others.